Ryan

February 14, 2019

Last year I started blogging again after a four year absence. One of the reasons I was able to start writing again was the fact that my wife, Allie, was pregnant. We kept it pretty quiet given all that we had gone through since losing our daughter, Olivia. If I had my way, we would have dropped the news like a Beyoncé album: hey, we have a new baby coming out, oh, and here he is.

Two weeks ago we welcomed our new son, Ryan Wyatt Aparicio, into the world. The last four and a half years have been quite a roller coaster ride, if that roller coaster was just one steep drop that induced long-term depression and anxiety. So when Ryan was born, my wife and I both cried with happiness and relief that we could turn the page on the darkest chapter of our lives.

Ryan has been an absolute blessing. Everything about his birth went as smoothly as we could have expected. And Ryan is delightful. I know I'm genetically programmed to think my baby is cute but, I mean c'mon, look at him! Even the nurses at the hospital, who see dozens of babies each day, were enchanted by Ryan. (Though I'm not sure if this is like a stripper telling you you're handsome, as they are legally obligated to do so, even if you are hideously grotesque.)

Since bringing him home, Ryan has been relatively calm and easy to deal with. He's doing a great job fulfilling his three primary functions: eating, sleeping and pooping. We're so thrilled to have him and to have several weeks to spend together enjoying him and each other's company.

People say having a child is like walking around with your heart on the outside of your body. I found that to be especially true when Olivia was born. When she died, I felt like I also died that day. I had been just going through the motions ever since. But with Ryan, I feel reborn. I'm so excited to get to know him and find out who he'll become. So far, I'm loving every minute of it.